One of my favorite scenes in the movie Armageddon is when Owen Wilson’s character, Oscar, asks Billy Bob Thorton’s character, Truman, just how bad the conditions are going to be on the asteroid that is barreling toward the Earth.

Oscar: What’s it gonna be like up there?

Truman: Two hundred degrees in the sunlight, minus two hundred in the shade. Canyons of razor-sharp rock. Unpredictable gravitational conditions. Unexpected eruptions, things like that.

Oscar: Ok, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks, that’s all you gotta say. Scariest environment imaginable.

     I have to think that for Pharaoh, the people of Egypt, and even the Hebrews that these plagues of blood, frogs, gnats, flies, diseased livestock, boils, thunder and hail, locusts, darkness, and the promise of more to come could be best described as “scariest environment imaginable.”  Like Oscar said, “Thanks, that’s all you gotta say. Scariest environment imaginable” This makes Pharaoh’s reaction at least a little bit puzzling. In such an environment you would think that even the great king of Egypt would give into Moses’ demands. I understand that scripture tells us that God would harden Pharaoh’s heart. I have to think that it must have been pretty hard to begin with.

     Pharaoh does not look at the Egyptians as anything but slaves. He has no connection to their history or their sojourning. Perhaps there was something of a story in him that would remember that Joseph, a Hebrew, once helped to make Egypt great. At this point that would have been ancient history. Amongst all of the Israelites there was no Joseph to be found.  And now Moses comes talking about the God of the Hebrews and this God’s great powers. Pharaoh who would consider himself a God had to be thinking, “This God has allowed all of his people to be in slavery. Why should I fear a God who has not shown up in a generation or two?” Pharaoh’s response has to be, “What have you done for/to me lately?”  Pharaoh had to be hedging his bet that he could weather these plagues. If they were caused by the Hebrew God he would probably get tired and abandon them again. Perhaps the Hebrew God who had been out of touch for so long was just blowing off some steam that this God would get it out of his system and that he would be gone for another generation.

     We know that his is not the case. We know that God’s concern for his people was not growing hot and cold. We know that God respond to his people calling in their pain. We know this was not going to be a casual fling. This relationship would be for the long haul. That out of this “scariest environment possible” Pharaoh would relent after it got just a little bit scary – even more “scary unimaginable.” We know that God would be omnipresent, going before, his people as they begin their journey into the desert.

Draw me not away with the wicked, and with the workers of iniquity, which speak peace to their neighbours, but mischief is in their hearts.(Psalm 28:3, KJV)

     As a rule most scholars agree that the King James Version of the Bible is not a very good translation.  I find that what it misses in translation it makes up for in rhythm and meter. If you choose to memorize a passage of scripture the KJV is probably the best place to start. I always prefer to read the Psalms in the King’s English. The strength and majesty of the words do not allow you to shrink away from their importance. Psalm 28:3 is one of those verses that proves my point:

Do not drag me away with the wicked, with those who do evil, who speak cordially with their neighbors but harbor malice in their hearts.  (New International Version)

Don’t shove me into the same jail cell with those crooks, with those who are
      full-time employees of evil. They talk a good line of “peace,”
      then moonlight for the Devil. (The Message, paraphrase)

Don’t drag me away, LORD, with those cruel   people, who speak kind words, while planning trouble. (Contemporary English Version)

Take me not off with the wicked, with those who are workers of evil, who speak peace with their neighbors, while mischief is in their hearts. (Revised Standard Version)

Do not drag me away with the wicked, with those who are workers of evil, who speak peace with their neighbors, while mischief is in their hearts. (New Revised Standard Version)

     All of these translations have both strengths and weaknesses. For the purpose of The Grand Sweep I am reading the NRSV. My wife and I are reading the International Children’s Bible to our children each night at supper.  I generally prepare my sermons using the RSV as my primary text.  No one text can do it all. Any text is a good place to start. Still when it comes to particular passages I can’t help but go back to the “authorized” version.

Say the words aloud, let them resonate, hear them again for the first time:

Draw me not away with the wicked,

and with the workers of iniquity,

which speak peace to their neighbours, but mischief is in their hearts.

5 Easy Steps to Saying No to a Leadership Position

      You may think that you know how to avoid being asked to lead. My guess is that people are starting to see through your lame “my dog ate my homework” excuses. This is why I am offering you a well-crafted well thought out empirically undeniable system of excuses; ironclad protectors against drawing you into a situation not of your liking.

1)      “I am not qualified…” This is the very first line of defense. It is a wonderful screening tool that usually ends any attempt to take the negotiation process any further. This tactic puts the ‘asker” in a defensive position making them question their ability to discern who may be best suited to complete the task. Most importantly they too will begin to question your qualifications. 90% of the time this will be enough for you to go on enjoying the comforts of non-involvement. There are those rare occasions that this tactic will not work. Don’t fret. All is not lost. Move on to step 2.

2)      You have failed to adequately call into question your own credentials and qualifications. It is now time to shine the bright light of truth on the interloper trying to get you to lead. A simple, “Who are you? What qualifies you to ask me?” may be just enough to knock the “asker” off balance. They were certain that you would give in to “You’re the right one for this job.” Now they are back on their heels questioning their own abilities and qualifications. They are now asking themselves if they have the good sense enough to be a part of the process of choosing someone for such an impressive task. You will still find, as awkward as it may seem, that this may not be enough to deter someone trying to find a leader. Again, it is going to be fine. There is still another step.

3)       You have called into question your own credentials. You have even called into question the credentials of the “asker.” Now it is time to question the inherent abilities of those you are being asked to lead. Simply ask “Why do you think they are ready for any leadership?” The “asker” may not have bought into your false modesty after all you are too well-known as a leader. Their own self-esteem may be so rock solid that they would never question their own ability to find the right person or even sell you on being that person. That is why you now need to question the motives of an entire group. Call out “them” and move the conversation to talking about what “they” have done or not done over the years. This allows you to focus on the inadequacies of an entire group that most importantly is not present and therefore unable to defend themselves. Everyone now should be able to quickly come to the conclusion that this whole idea is a complete waste of time and move on.

The effort that it will take for anyone to maintain the energy needed break through this beautifully developed defense will cause even the heartiest of souls to give up and move on. They will no doubt realize that if it takes this much energy to get you sign up there is no way they will want to be responsible for sending you. .

4) However, there are those who simply just don’t get it. They are persistent! They just keep badgering you! These are the ones who simply can’t take a hint. My suggestion is to give it one more try. Make up some wildly imaginative excuse. Invent a short illness; feign a limp for a few days; claim to stutter even if your eloquence is obvious. No one is going to question you on any of this. Even the most simple of individuals would recognize the rudeness of questioning an ailment or disability.

5) Alas there are those who still won’t get it. They are willing to go the distance. They can weather the storm of excuses. They stand before you just as chipper and glee as when you started this encounter. They will not be moved. At this point there is really only one option. You have tried to be nice and civil. Now you must say, “You really need to find someone else. I am not available.”

This is a time-tested foolproof method. If you follow the steps I have outlined you will never find yourself corralled into an unwanted leadership position. You may even find that this method is a pretty good long-term remedy inoculating you against ever being asked again.

A WORD OF CAUTION: This is foolproof. That means it should only be used in the presence of fools.  If in fact you find yourself in an encounter with the Divine this will not work. REPEAT. THIS WILL NOT WORK. There is no known remedy to God’s call outside of our response. Just ask Moses. (Exodus 3:11 – 4:17)

Exodus 1, 2; Psalms 26, 27

     So we begin a new stage in the story of God’s story. We are introduced to a child born in a time of state sanctioned infanticide. This child is purposefully and strategically set in a basket and sent down the river. This act of cunning and deceit was the child’s best chance for survival and his mother was willing to take that chance. This sets us up for further along in the narrative when Moses is saved once again with the help of water. The mother’s willingness to allow her child to live even if it meant losing him it gave her the opportunity to receive a greater blessing. Not only would her child not die she would receive governmental protection and a stipend. She only had to be willing to raise the child as a surrogate mother. That choice may have been difficult but the alternative was death.

        Many of were introduced to Moses by Cecil B. DeMille.  I grew up thinking that Charlton Heston was Moses. DeMille’s version of events as they are offered to us in the movie “The Ten Commandments” seems to draw as much on the Joseph tradition as it does the Moses tradition. We really don’t know that much about Moses from the scripture alone. We do know that he is a man trapped in two worlds: raised an Egyptian born a Hebrew. We know that he is linked to his Hebrew heritage because his birth mother cared for him as a baby.  And that is about all we know.

         We are not surprised when we find that Moses is willing to murder an Egyptian.  Legally we may be talking justifiable homicide but either way Moses knows that he has committed an act that will separate him from all that is known to him. This becomes the defining action for Moses as he is sent out into the world. He will no longer have his Hebrew family nor will he have access to Pharaoh’s court. He is a fugitive from justice who will have to seek his blessing as an exile. This will give him good training for what lies ahead. But first he must settle in and find comfort. While on the run he finds good fortune.  This is where we pause. While we take a deep breath we are almost hoping that Moses will be allowed t to settle down and live the honorable and quiet life of a shepherd.

      We know that won’t be the case for Moses as surely as we know that won’t be the case for us. God is not at work in our lives to bring us to the comfortable place where everything is alright. God is at work in our lives so that we will be empowered to go forth to liberate His people from slavery. I believe that in our time of comfort and rest that God is preparing us to do mighty things in his name. There is something just around the corner waiting for us. That something is not our own choosing but God’s choosing for us. In Moses’ case it will be God.

Genesis 49, 50 Psalm 25

We have come to the end of the book of Genesis. As the story has unfolded we find God’s people not as well off as when they first started. As a people the children of creation, promise and blessing are no longer in Eden but in Egypt. The descendants of Adam, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob (aka Israel) and all of the rest of them are far removed from the idyllic existence of a garden.  As a reader it is a relief to finally finish this part of the story. As a citizen of the twenty-first century I am now ready for the sequel. Bring on Genesis II as it will certainly tie up all of the loose ends and bring us quickly to a nicely wrapped Hollywood ending. As a student of scripture I know that the journey home will not be that neatly presented. There will be no quick sitcom-like resolutions. There will be no trilogy of stories that will help us to better understand the real meaning of the story. Instead we will find that we still have much to wade through on this adventure of Bible reading. Stick with it and recognize that the reward is not in finishing the task but the journey itself.

I have recently been introduced to the “Six Word Memoir.” Smith Magazine claims to have originated the idea of asking readers to write their memoir using only six words. You can go to their website to see some intriguing and insightful albeit short memoirs.  As we read through the Bible I encourage you to pause as we finish each book and attempt you own “six word synopsis” of each book. The only rule is six words.

Here are a few of my attempts for the book of Genesis:

Started in a Garden – Now Egypt

Not worthy BUT chosen and blessed.

Disobedient, Murdering, Lying, Stealing – my story?

Repeat Offenders meets Witness Protection Program

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I look forward to reading your six word synopses. Please post or email them to me.

Good and gracious God we often come to you asking for your blessing on that which we have already claimed for ourselves and yet, more often than not, you oblige our demands. We continue to come, Lord, intent on wrestling with You, O Lord, desirous of even more. We come asking, pleading, and fighting for that which You have already promised us.

Our bravado masks our insecurities as we approach You expecting easy answers to profound problems. We find that these answers are more often than not found along the way. We also find that sometimes we must grapple with the difficulties of life if we are to find that answer we so desperately seek. We must meet life head on and often we must wrestle with our past. We must fight our demons, both real and conjured in the deep recesses of our imagination. We come, today, desiring a new path one defined less by fight and more by faith. Bring us home Lord from our exile. We are tired and we have found no comfortable place to lay our head.

Awaken us lord from our sleep and let us know that Your blessing is our blessing, now and always. Awaken us from the rattled experience of our nightmare that has shaken us to our core. Let us hear the kind words of a father to a child, “It’s just a dream, everything will be alright.” Let us rest easy if only for a moment and let us be transformed in this realization of Your continued presence with us.

Let the dreams that come to us while we sleep; those dreams that have made fitful our periods of rested slumber; those dreams that have left us ill at ease; let them all be transformed by you to a dream that reminds us that it is, indeed, well with our soul.

O Lord, You have led us out of the darkness and are ready to bring us to a time when a new dawn breaks in in our lives.

May we walk away from this moment ready to encounter even our sworn enemy knowing that you have brought us to this place not for battle; not for revenge; but for reconciliation with You,  O Lord and wit all creation. Move us Lord from a place of burden to a place where that burden is relieved. May our dreams borne in darkness be transformed to the dreams You have for us when the morning comes and a new day dawns.

We have been touched by every encounter with You, O Lord, and we have been changed. Let us, now, wake from our grogginess ready to claim Your dream for us.

In Christ’s Name, Amen.

A go to source for me as I read through The Bible is the book,  ”Funny Things Can Happen on Your Way Through the Bible: Scriptural Oddities and Odd Thoughts about Them in a Book of More Rhyme Than Reason”, By Charles D. Barrett. I consider myself fortunate to have been in many of his classes during my undergraduate years at Wofford College. If there is any depth to my theology thanks would have to begin with this man. I am honored to call him today a colleague and a friend.

In the foreword to the book we are told:

“…Through irony, pun, parody, spoof and joke Charlie reads some of the most serious scripture with tongue in cheek, a rhyme in his pen, and a smile on his face. If you have ever wondered what the Bible would sound like if it were written by Ogden Nash (and who hasn’t?) here it is, Charlie Barrett’s religious rhymes.”  William H. Willimon, United Methodist Bishop

Here is a sample from the book.

Joseph stacks the Deck

(Genesis 43:16-44:5)

Though taxed severely by the emotions of reunion with family, the brilliance that had brought joseph to Pharaoh’s right hand comes through as he exacts a heavy toll from his brothers for their youthful treachery.

So back to Egypt the brothers went, like their father fully intent

on winning the Man’s favor.

With Benjamin in tow surely the Man would know

there’d be no misbehavior.

Joseph, back in Egypt, feared he might have ripped

all hopes for a union to shreds

by striking in his brothers terrible dread.

As weeks slipped through the hourglass

he himself dreaded what might come to pass

and pondered the possible cost of avenging so harshly his loss.

He couldn’t have been more relieved

when the treatment that his brothers had received

didn’t deter them entirely.

For after the long anxious delay they showed up one day

to plead their case direly.

Seeing ben with them sent shivers up his spine,

Forcing him to hide his eyes as they filled with brine;

But it also brought back his anger and led him to a change of mind:

“My brothers will have to pay

for costing me Ben’s company for many a day.

Perhaps they’ll feel the sting I’ve felt when

Simeon’s freedom costs them that of Ben!”

And so he laid for Ben a trap

by placing a royal cup beneath the flap

of the young man’s gunnysack,

then sent Pharaoh’s troops posthaste

and, after a hot chase brought his bothers back.

(Used with Permission of Author)

     Genesis 41, 42; Psalms 23, 24

     The words of the 23^rd Psalm were true even before they were written.  As we read Joseph’s story in Genesis it looks as though he could have written this Psalm.  Joseph is resolute and steadfast on his journey even as it moves him into captivity. His actions predate the words of the Psalmist but they also seem to capture the spirit of the Psalm.

      Joseph it appears from his earliest days was one who shall not want. Outwardly it was his father who protected and perhaps coddled him as he grew into a young man. Inwardly it becomes obvious that God is the main actor in this narrative. Joseph knew nothing other than blessing. It appears odd to us that he might describe a dream were his brothers would kneel before him because it didn’t gain him an advantage. It is easier to understand what Joseph was doing by telling his dream if we simply recognize that he assumed everyone else recognized his place of importance as much as he, Jacob did and as we will find out God did as well. We may call it arrogance. Joseph would probably suggest that whatever is good for me will be good for you as well. The coat that became a symbol of his brother’s anger toward him would have been their opportunity for them to “ride his coat tails.”

      Joseph’s early life might be described as all green pastures and still waters.

      As we read about Joseph being thrown into the pit to die we might expect him to cry out but nothing comes. When he is sold into slavery we imagine that he must have resisted but still again nothing. In the valley of the shadow of death Joseph fears no evil. We do not know that he accepted this as his fate and we do not know his disposition. We just know that he went. It is not obvious that he recognized thou art with me but the reader quickly picks up on this. Somehow somewhere beyond our knowledge there is a bigger hand guiding the scene as it moves onward toward a conclusion.

     This does not mean that Joseph has no say in the outcome. As the story progresses Joseph does show that he is a part of the action. With Potiphar’s wife he asserts that he is not a toy by turning away from her advances. In prison Joseph tries curry favor with the cupbearer to increase his chances for at least partial emancipation. Finally Joseph manages the situation as he manipulates his brothers. Joseph is not simply playing out the part he is an active participant in scripting his life.

       Throughout our time with Joseph we see that he is as at home with his enemies as he would be with his compatriots. The tables that are set for him in life are not only set in the presence of enemies    those who conspire against him always seem to be sitting right next to him.

     Joseph’s cup surely runs over. He has more than he needs. He is in charge of so much that he is able to disburse to those who have nothing. We find out through Joseph’s interpretation of The Pharaoh’s dream that there will be Seven years of plenty followed by seven years of famine. This could view this as seven years of blessing and followed by seven years of blessing withheld. This was not the case for Joseph and for the people of Egypt. It was not a mixed blessing or a “take the good with the bad” blessing it was in fact a double blessing. In time of plenty and times of want they with whom Joseph was associated always had enough. It is hard to miss that for Joseph goodness and mercy would follow me him all the days of his life. Furthermore we are reminded that to dwell in the house of the lord forever is to dwell in the midst of God’s blessing. 

  Genesis 39, 40; Psalm 22

     Some of my first childhood memories are of church and Sunday School.  My relationship with many of the stories of The Bible goes back just as far. These stories that were told to me as a child and explained to me in Sunday School are as formative to me as they are informative. Even before I knew how to read these stories they were already familiar to me.  I knew Joseph’s story well, every detail of it (except maybe for Potiphar’s wife), how it began and how it ended. I suspect that the first time I was introduced to this story that I knew the outcome within minutes. The biblical accounts of the heroes of the faith do little for me when it comes to building suspense. I am not worried about a young man sold into slavery by his brothers. I am not concerned that his family might starve due to the famine. When Joseph is in prison I never pause and think, “What’s going to happen next?” So I understand completely when the narrator sings in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”

Go, go, go Joseph you know what they say
Hang on now Joseph you’ll make it someday
Don’t give up Joseph fight till you drop
We’ve read the book and you come at on top

     I know how this story ends. I have read the book. And if I haven’t read the book I have been told the story. I know it is going to all work out. Yet something draws me back to read the story again and to hear it with new ears and know that there is not only comfort in the story but that there is also always something new for me to be learned in the story.

     The other night I was watching Bruce Willis save the world in movie “Armageddon.” I have seen the movie more times than I can remember I know how it is going to end. I know how I am going to react in the final scene. I’ll admit it – it makes me cry. Not too long ago I caught the end of “The Bourne Supremacy” where Matt Damon fights to save himself and his identity. Again I know what is going to happen yet I return to it time and time again. When the credits finally roll over the final scene– I smile. Some stories are so well told and so compelling that you just want to watch them again.  

     The Joseph story is a story that you just want to read again. It is probably one of the earlier models of this kind of storytelling. Joseph is a kind of model for the modern hero. We know he will overcome all obstacles and that in the end everything will turn out alright. So we read it again and again hoping one day that there will be a sequel. It is my hope that we will recognize that this just isn’t a movie or a really good story but that we are the sequel. Those who read these stories and find ultimate and eternal meaning in them are called to be a living sequel to these stories. These are God’s stories for us. We need to be God’s stories for the world.

       Genesis 37, 38; Psalm 21

     Genesis is the story of God’s chosen people trying to become God’s people in the world. Now thirty chapters into The Bible we see just how difficult a proposition that is because we live outside of Eden. In our “fallen” or sinful state the best laid plans often are accompanied by a few twists and turns. The more we read the more it becomes clear that God’s people are not always aligned with God’s will. Our freewill kicks in it seems at the most inopportune of times and we find ourselves on a different path yet still seeking our way back to God. It is a journey of a thousand lifetimes and it is not only the journey of those who are called by name in Genesis and throughout biblical history it is in fact our journey as well.  

     There is a rhythm to these early stories in Genesis. From the moment of leaving the garden the narrative picks up on the fact that there are different blessings for different people. And as we read it looks as though the blessings people receive become the very things that set us at odds with one another.   Mark Twain is often quoted as having said “History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme.” It might be easier if the names rhymed in Genesis but we can at least see that the stories start to have great similarities. We have Cain and Abel, Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob and Esau, and now Joseph and his brothers. I highly doubt this will end here. What we see as we read through the Bible is, unfortunately something we see even until this day, God’s people set against one another.  There are other enemies. These other enemies include the “tempter” that we were introduced to in the garden just to name one. It just seems that we are mostly our own worst enemy.  

     The further away God’s people move from Eden the more engaged in selfish pursuits they become. Joseph and his brother’s take sibling rivalry to a new level. Cain killed Abel out of it seems jealousy and envy.  Isaac’s and Ishmael’s mothers fought on their behalf to ensure their child received as much as possible from Abraham and God. Jacob conspired, with his mother, to steal his brother’s birthright. Now Joseph’s brothers begin their own attempt to bring an end to Joseph’s life. The first opportunity they have to bring an end to Joseph’s life they proceed. Their hatred is certainly once again borne out of jealousy and envy.  We are told that the brothers don’t like Joseph’s dreams and they don’t like the favoritism showed to him by their father. But instead of killing him they decide to take a more “sophisticated” approach to eliminating their brother. They come up with a “superior” plan: 1) Sell Joseph into slavery 2) Share just enough information with Jacob so as to deceive him about his “favorite” son’s fate. So they receive a financial benefit along with the removal of Joseph from their lives without having to spill any of Joseph’s blood. I guess it is only fitting that Jacob would be deceived by his children.  As we have heard, “The leaf doesn’t fall from the tree.” It is just tough to stomach because we are starting to recognize just who is included in our family tree. Thus we are also finding out that we also are capable of some really dastardly deeds.